Conversation with Trista Hurley-Waxali on her debut book, A Smoke Stained Cab
As we count down to the official publication date of A Smoke Stained Cab, the debut story collection from Trista Hurley-Waxali, we thought it was a good time to talk to her about the book, about her feelings surrounding the release of her first book and the journey she has taken while writing (and publishing) this beautiful and unique book of stories.
chi: What’s it feel like to have your first book? I mean, it’s not in your hands yet.
Trista: It feels, um, it feels like you put something like a pebble down? Okay. So, I was thinking about this because there’s this game called Dark Souls 3. And in that game, there’s a moment in the game where you get to the top of the stairs, there’s nowhere to go. And the only place to go is like an open ledge and the character has to put down a pebble and then they see the pebble stop and they realize it’s safe to cross.
So it’s like you put these pebbles down and you see a way forward in a place that you didn’t see a way forward. And I think that’s the feeling I’ve been processing for the last few weeks, of just like, okay, now my pebble has been placed, I know it’s safe to go forward, even though there’s nothing there. Because I don’t have my book [in my hands] yet. And then when I get my book, I’ll be like, now I can put this down.
chi: What was the first story in A Smoke Stained Cab that you wrote?
Trista: I would probably say “Desired Effect.” I think that one thing about going to LA when I did, and I was just processing a lot of things that I was being told, I would have to say, I was going to start being a writer, but how would I articulate that? Who would hear me? How would that translate? Like, I was processing a lot of that, and I think that at the same time, I felt myself losing my voice. So I think “Desired Effect” kind of like psychoanalyzed that part of it, where it’s like, how do I become a writer or how do I talk about it?
chi: So does “Desired Effect” have a special place in your heart because of that?
Trista: Oh, definitely. And I think that’s why I made it my first story. I definitely put that as my first one, because it was something that even now when I read it, I could still feel it.
chi: And what is that feeling you get?
Trista: I think it’s just the pain of wanting to communicate. You know, people that I’ve had in my life where, you know, you could almost hear them stop talking because they’re self-censoring in anticipation of what could happen if they spoke, you know, and it’s like that level of, of angst of how to say something.
chi: In your stories in this book, there are multiple stories with this kind of split or conflict between parents and their children. And there’s also these stories about a younger couple trying to have a family but failing. And thinking even of the plants like in the basement, right? Where it’s like, that’s the family, that’s the family. How much of your parents’ experience, if any, has informed your writing? Your parents are immigrants, yeah?
Trista: Yeah, both of them immigrants. I think that their idea was, they were a young couple, they got married in Trinidad. So what happened was—a little bit of backstory—my dad had an offer to come to Canada to teach. So he got accepted to a university, his brother helped out, so they were able to immigrate to Canada. Learning how to be who you were before, but in a new environment. Such little familiarity, you know, like how they did things, how affordable things were, you know, safe housing, where should they have their family, you know, it’s kind of like trying to structure themselves, watching them do that as I got older and realizing how difficult it was for them.
They didn’t know how to become Canadian. You know, they were in an all white area. And I saw how my dad was the only black teacher in the school, and some students loved him, some students hated him because of it. . chi: Are you gonna give the book to your parents and if you do, do you think your parents will read it?
Trista: I am definitely gonna give the book to my parents so they can see what I’ve been up to. I’m just gonna be like, here’s my book, you know? Do I expect them to read it? I think my mom would. My mom would read it because I think that she would like to learn more about me.
chi: Do you have any fear that your parents will read it and then go, there’s something wrong with our child?
Trista: Well, I think they’ll probably read it and they’ll be like, Oh, now it makes sense.
chi: Do you think you were the same person when you started working on the book in 2014 that you are now as the book is coming out?
Trista: No. And I think that’s why I’m ready for the book to come out. You know, because I could go here and enjoy this book now. When I was writing it, when I was articulating it, when I was in it, I didn’t want to be that person when it came out.
chi: As you were writing it, your hope was that you would be transformed in the working of the book?
Trista: Exactly. Exactly. I think I wouldn’t have done myself a service if the book came out and I wasn’t ready for it, because then when people read it, I want to talk about it rather than experiencing it. Because I’ve already experienced it, so now I want to talk about it.
